During my training as a psychotherapist, I became really curious about shame, the quiet kind that shows up in everyday life, in families, communities, and society. The kind we often feel without even noticing. I began to see patterns, apologizing for speaking, saying sorry for having needs, minimizing achievements, hiding struggles so we were not a burden, Using humour to deflect from hurt, feeling embarrassed for being emotional. These behaviours might seem small, just part

I was at a conference recently where the facilitator spoke about perfectionism running through family lineages and the damage it can cause. It really struck me, and the more I’ve reflected on it, the more I’ve recognised how true it can be. The expectation of perfection — without room for mistakes, errors or simply being human — is an incredibly high bar to live under. If we step back and really look at it, how could anyone ever meet a standard that says, “Never make a mistak

I love the Japanese word Irimi, which I came across in my reading. It describes the act of moving towards or entering in, rather than stepping back. What It Means in Therapy For me, Irimi beautifully captures something at the heart of the therapeutic experience. Therapy can invite us to move towards what is difficult, rather than continuing to avoid it, as we may have learned to do over time. This might mean gently turning towards: · grief · fear · anger